Best Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents: Practical Tools to Establish Boundaries and Reclaim Your Emotional Autonomy By Lindsay C. Gibson
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Ebook About In this important sequel to Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, author Lindsay Gibson offers powerful tools to help you step back and protect yourself at the first sign of an emotional takeover, make sure your emotions and needs are respected, and break free from the coercive control of emotionally immature parents. Growing up with emotionally immature (EI) parents can leave you feeling lonely and neglected. You may have trouble setting limits and expressing your feelings. And you may even be more susceptible to other emotionally immature people as you establish adult relationships. In addition, as your parents become older, they may still treat your emotions with mockery and contempt, be dismissive and discounting of your reality, and try to control and diminish your sense of emotional autonomy and freedom of thought. In short, EIs can be self-absorbed, inconsistent, and contradictory. So, how can you recover from their toxic behavior?Drawing on the success of her popular self-help book, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, author Lindsay Gibson offers yet another essential resource. With this follow-up guide, you’ll learn practical skills to help you recognize the signs of an EI, protect yourself against an emotional takeover, reconnect with your own emotions and needs, and gain emotional autonomy in all your relationships. This is a how-to book, with doable exercises and active tips and suggestions for what to say and do to increase emotional autonomy and self-awareness.If you’re ready to stop putting your own needs last, clear the clutter of self-doubt, and move beyond the fear of judgment and punishment that’s been instilled in you by emotionally immature parents, this book will help you find the freedom to finally live your life your way.Book Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents: Practical Tools to Establish Boundaries and Reclaim Your Emotional Autonomy Review :
I got this new book from Psychologist Lindsay Gibson at my local library. I had intended to buy it from Amazon, but after a first read, I think not. The first half of the book is excellent. The usual excellent identification and detailed explanation of Immature Parenting and the resulting horrendous emotional abuse and scarring of Child victims by their own Parents. Great. Then...no mention of the losses you suffer: no loving family (ever), no day of reckoning (ever), no way to patch your own lifetime-wounds/scars except: 1) be real good to yourself and, 2) avoid disassociating. Then, a rush to the 2nd half of the book: the solutions! Yeah! The 2nd half of the book is the depressingly familiar tone of the Psychologist who understands the dynamic of 'Immature Parenting,' but doesn't really get 'IT.' And the 'It' is the actual, on-going experience and the true damage. Victims should NEVER be told to maintain contact with an Abuser(s) if it can be helped. Yet, Psychologists who don't get it, seem to prioritize keeping disfunctional families intact, whatever the cost to the Victim/Suvivor. Gibson puts forth that success lies in asserting yourself with the Immature Parent with rigid, calm self-control. That out of that will come (Title of Chapter Ten) 'Now you can have the relationship you've always wanted: just focus on one interaction at a time.' SOMEHOW Gibson equates "the relationship you've always wanted" with being endlessly "self protective" in their presence? I ask, where is love, compassion, empathy, kindness and affection in that relationship? Where is warmth or honesty? The answer is nowhere. Why? Because you can't fix a Narcissistic-Parent. You can only send in a Victim to neutralize the threat. Keep the disfunctional family intact and maybe, a Psychologist can attempt to 'treat' the unwilling narcissist at a distance and vicariously through their Survivor-Child. Doesn't seem right, does it? Going 'low contact' (only if absolutely necessary, until you can escape) or best, 'no contact' is the solution to ending the abuse and rebuilding yourself. Ms. Gibson, there is your assertiveness! [Disclosure: I’d known Dr. Gibson for twenty years before I retired to Texas in 2013. In Virginia, I used her monthly Tidewater Women column as a class handout. I love her clear writing and have purchased every book she has written.When I congratulated the author via email on her third book, she asked if I would review it despite my having no psychology training.]First, Dr. Gibson uses almost no jargon except for:• EI (emotionally immature)• EIP (emotionally immature person)• EIRS (emotionally immature relationship system)Second, she wrote this book for 1) the adult survivors of EI parents and for 2) everyone who encounters EIPs. EIPs are your family or societal self-centered, emotional bullies.I view relationships as having primal and rational parts, i.e., gut and thoughtful pieces. EIPs are self-serving primal (instinctive) beings. Their actions are dominating and hurtful, and they cause others to blame themselves for such bad treatment. Or as the author says, “Because EIPs insist on dominating and being the center of importance, they don’t leave room or resources for others to be fully themselves.”Dr. Gibson wrote this book to give the abused person 1) an understanding of EIPs and 2) ideas how to a) improve their own lives and b) reduce the EIP’s negative impact.On the first goal, the author writes, “My aim… is to give you a language for everything that goes on in EI relationships, both what happens between you and them, and what happens inside yourself as you try to cope with them. Once you can name it, you can deal with it.”Part I (Chapters 1-6) covers the messy and illogical nature of EIPs. The author avoids psychological talk but shows how multi-faceted EIP behavior is. Dr. Gibson repeatedly says it is not your fault you were born into or found yourself dealing with an EIP.Although I never had EI parents, I’ve had my difficulties with EIPs. Dr. Gibson’s Part II (Chapters 7-10), therefore, was worth the book’s price. She says, “Your ultimate recovery goal is to build a loyal, committed relationship to your own inner self and well-being. You’ll also learn how to transform your EI relationship into the best it can be (my emphasis), without sacrificing your integrity or blaming them.”In other words, the situation can’t be fixed, but it can be improved for yourself and with the EIP. There are no miracle cures, but instead; slow recovery. If the EIP is your mother, father, boss, or another person you need to deal with, the author’s suggestions are helpful. Remember, standard relationship rules and logic don’t work with EIPs.If you are the adult child of an EI parent, then the author also provides journaling activities for you to assess where you are now, what boundaries you need to set, and how to evaluate the new results you get. Working with EIPs, if they are family or otherwise, can be a lifelong journey. Dr. Gibson understands this unfortunate fact and has fashioned a book to improve your life! 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